Category Archives: Dating Advice

Finding Love Without Dating Apps

Finding Love Without Dating Apps

Social Dating
Image Copyright © Holly Barry

Do you remember life before smartphones? Gone are the days where we looked forwards, rather than down at our phones all day. Nowadays, our smartphones reach into every aspect of our lives, from paying our bills and arranging our weekly grocery delivery to finding love and romance via online dating apps.

Whilst online dating seems, on the face of it, to offer the perfect solution to the age-old problem of finding true love, in reality things are often very different. With a seemingly endless supply of potential new dates available through dating apps, it’s all too easy to fall into a ‘click and go’ mind-set, where we never really give a date time to develop into something more, before we are scanning for the next potential candidate. If we’re honest, how many of us have met someone via a dating app, and then spent half the first date checking online, to see if other ‘possibles’ have arrived in our dating inbox?

Have dating apps had their day? Is there a better way to meet genuine people? Why not ditch the smartphone and try these four suggestions for finding love the real way?

Take Risks
Ever considered that the reason you haven’t found your special someone might just be because you play everything too safe? Step out of that comfort zone and you could find success in your dating endeavours. Try dating someone who you’d normally not consider, say yes to a wild and wacky date location or just pluck up the courage to pass your phone number to that nice guy you see on the way to work each morning. Of course, it’s true that taking risks and injecting a little spontaneity into your life means you might end up disappointed or facing rejection, but you might also find that things really go your way and you release a whole new you!

Volunteer Abroad
People volunteer to work abroad for all sorts of reasons, and whilst many people perhaps wouldn’t expect to find romance on a volunteering trip, it is actually fairly common to do just that. Stepping out of your comfort zone and immersing yourself in a new and exciting experience in a far-flung location puts you in the right frame of mind for meeting new people. You’re surrounded by like-minded people, who share your passion for adventure and helping others, so the chances are high that you will find someone special in amongst your fellow volunteers. With no mobile signal in these remote volunteering locations, there really is no excuse for not trying to make friends or find romance.

Join The Gym
It might be a bit of a cliché, but the gym is actually a brilliant place to meet someone new. Exercise boosts positivity, and will help you to be upbeat and confident when talking to that certain someone you meet in the spin class or the weights room. Of course, the golden rule for finding romance at the gym is to leave your phone in your locker. You might enjoy listening to your favourite tunes whilst pounding along on the treadmill, but those earphones will kill the chances of any conversation, so ditch them and start chatting instead.

Get Social
We’re not talking about social media here, but actually making an effort to get out and about socially. Learn to say yes to invitations, and you’ll soon find yourself meeting lots more people, some of whom might appeal to you romantically. If you routinely cry off from the office drinks on a Friday night, or you keep postponing a night out with mates, try saying yes to these instead, and see what happens. At the very least, you’ll be chatting and mingling with others, which can actively improve your social skills, and you never know just who you might meet when you’re waiting at the bar to get the next round in.

Matchmaker
Another alternative route which avoids the digital screen of a mobile phone would be exploring the route of a matchmaker… If you are truly fed up of dead-end dating, a matchmaker will spend their time assessing your needs and wants to find a match who compliments your every want and desires in a partner.

Visiting a matchmaker is considered a more direct route to finding love, without the messy awkwardness in between. When the timing is right, you will be paired with a partner who shares the same skills, drive and interests as yourself, so that you are able to talk all night long without having to make that risky phone call to your friend to help bail you out of yet another disastrous dating scenario.

If you’re serious about stepping up your romantic efforts and finding that special someone, it might be time to mute that mobile and reinvent yourself as a real-world social superstar. With a little effort and a bit of courage, romance could, quite literally, be just around the corner.

Article by Holly Barry
Holly Barry
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Dating – The Age Gap

Dating – The Age Gap

Holding Hands

Recently I’ve been noticing this thing cropping up around me with various people. People who are in the relationship of their dreams but are very very quiet about it, others who potentially could be, but are experiencing resistance to it, and some who aren’t even considering the possible dating options. The common theme? It all comes down to ‘The Age Gap’!

It seems there’s  a real sense of shame and taboo about it. How much of a gap is too much of a gap? Once we’re all adults does such a limit really exist? What will people say, how will people judge me? There are a lot of such questions flying around, but really the question I want people to be asking is, why do I care? Love has no age limits, so why are you allowing there to be any on yours?

At the end of the day we are all searching for love, to really love and to be loved. If we happen to find it in the arms of someone twice our age, and they in the arms of someone half theirs, then who is to say that’s wrong? Often it can be jealous ‘friends’ or angry confused parents, but you know what? Forget what others think about it, as long as you are happy together then the people around you should be happy for you too. If they’re not, then are their opinions really worth you caring about, so much so that you would let it stand in the way of your happiness?

As long as you’re old enough not to have the older party done for statutory rape, and granted your partner is not some known bad-ass drug dealer, or someone of the sort who may be likely to bring some kind of harm to your life. Then you need to ask why friends and family, who have no real basis for standing in the way of your happiness, seem to believe that the age gap is really that bad that they would rather see you single than happy with that older or younger person!

Sure, sometimes it can be hard, especially when it’s family trying to have their say on the matter, but they need to be reminded that after a certain age, age is just a number and people are people no matter what year they were born. We are all free to love who we please. Sometimes love will show up in unexpected ways with unexpected people.

Don’t let the age gap stand in the way of your happiness however large or small it may be. And if there’s anyone other than you standing in the way, then you need to side step those people and let them watch you walk unashamedly into the arms of your beloved! Down with societal age gap stigma!

Article by Gülie Ismail
Gülie Ismail

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Relationships & Children – Time Apart, Healing Betrayal

Relationships & Children – Time Apart, Healing Betrayal

Family Separation

Tiger Woods opened up about his relationship with ex-wife Elin Nordegren this week. The couple ended their marriage in 2010 after Tiger’s cheating scandal, but now they have managed to build an amicable friendship. With time Elin seems to have gotten past the betrayal of her ex-husband’s infidelity, which is a challenge for many couples, in order to do so. Tiger and Elin share two children, so this must be a welcome development for all of them…

While some couples are able to find higher ground and continue to make their relationship or marriage work after an affair, others realize that the intensity of the pain of the incident is just too much and that they are better apart.

Either way, initially there can be so much anger that it takes effort to not drag the children into it. This can be especially difficult if the spouses have parted and find themselves alone! The one who was betrayed feels that their whole world has turned upside down, and wants to get back at the person who did this to them and caused so much unhappiness. It is tempting to say terrible things about them to the people who are closest to you..your kids. The natural inclination is to want to get them on your side and have them take up arms against the person who caused this upheaval. The impulse to have the children understand what you are going through and why can be powerful.

How, then, can you avoid this urge, and instead let them know they still have two solid parents they can continue to depend on? How can you protect them from your own fury, and the negative energy that is coming from both sides, while navigating your way to a place of, if not forgiveness, at least of tolerance and understanding? How can you lead them to a solid foundation of security so that even if there is trouble between parents, they know they can count on the fact that both mum and dad will continue to be stable forces in their lives?

To begin with, understand that they are not the ones who should be supporting you through this. They need your support, so the goal is to try not to burden them with your rage. Of course, that is easier said than done. The first step is to find an outlet elsewhere because you will need to talk about it, and choosing people other than your kids to unload on is a great start. You can find solace and confide in anyone from a therapist or counselor to friends and other family members. Work to insulate your children so they don’t have to go through the raw emotion that you are going through. Steer clear of sharing the bad things your spouse did to you with the kids as much as you can. Finally, give yourself time which will hopefully lessen the sharpness of the betrayal, and eventually allow you to share at least a cordial relationship.

The hope is to find a way to provide a harmonious family environment despite the rift in your relationship. Where both parents can come back together and share an affable connection…

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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When Your Boyfriend & Your Best Friend Get Too Close!

When Your Boyfriend & Your Best Friend Get Too Close!

Splitting Couples

When we become close to someone our natural instinct is to share them with the other people we are close to. Eventually you want to introduce your new boyfriend to your best friend so you can proudly show them how great the other is.  You might even end up spending a lot of time together as a group.

Sometimes this can lead to a separate connection between your significant other and your friend, that is all okay to a point. However, there is a definite line that exists which defines how close the two most important people in your life can get to each other, and that is based on the fact that you are sexually intimate with your boyfriend, so there is a clear element of exclusivity that should never be violated by either party.

As long as the connection remains about sharing the strong feelings they have for you it is on the up and up. If though, there is ever a point when you might feel threatened or begin to doubt their intentions, then you can start to think about putting boundaries in place. How can you tell if that time has come??

The first red flag is if you start to feel left out. If your boyfriend and best friend develop inside jokes that you are not a part of, or they find reasons to spend time together away from you, even if you are sick or out of town, it is only natural to wonder if something is brewing between them. Another indication of a problem could be if your friend is admiring you so much that she starts to dress and act like you. If it begins to appear that she almost wants to be you, which can sometimes be flattering, but usually means she is jealous of what you have and might want it for herself, be on guard.

The best way to gauge when and if that line is being crossed is to trust your feelings and go with your instincts. If it is all positive, and your interactions are supportive and caring, then that is exactly what love and friendship is about. But if you start to feel uneasy, uncomfortable or a sense of competition surfaces from your friend, that is a good time to start setting limits on how much time you spend together as a group, and begin to monitor what you share with your friend so you can build your own sense of identity separate from her. By doing this, you can protect yourself and not have to worry about being betrayed by someone close to you…

 

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Why Are Unavailable Partners So Attractive?

Why Are Unavailable Partners So Attractive?

Woman Alone

Whether you are in high school dealing with a boyfriend who you feel loves you too much, or you’re a movie star with people constantly asking you out, or you are recently divorced and getting more calls than you ever did but none of them seem right, you might be in that place so many people find themselves in where the men who are interested, strike you as availably unappealing but the ones who won’t commit are “attractively unavailable.”

Sometimes the guy who wants to commit to you and doesn’t hide his feelings is equated with the good guy, the nice guy, as opposed to the one who says he will call but doesn’t and who instead is seen as the romantic bad boy. For some reason, the fact that the guy likes you so much makes you question his confidence and desirability. You might ask, why is he available in the first place? If he were more secure and attractive, wouldn’t he be taken by now?

There are also the possible elements of a challenge or a competition. If someone pulls away and becomes seemingly less interested, then you might feel the need to try to get them back. It can become more about having their love than actually sharing the love with them. Or if that someone begins to give another woman attention, you might feel jealous and try to take that focus away from the new love interest and return it to you.

So why do so many woman choose the undependable, withholding man over the one who is ready to profess his love to them? In terms of family dynamics, there is the question of what you did and didn’t get growing up from family members, especially mothers and fathers. On the one hand, it may be that you are constantly trying to get what is out of reach, on the other, you might be more comfortable with less commitment and emotion in a relationship!

That constant chase can also become a vehicle for your self-esteem and believing you are better and greater if you are able to attain the unattainable. In other words, if you can convince a man who is not eager or willing to commit to do so, then you must be extra special, and this can set you on a journey that does not have a happy ending…

If this sounds familiar, and you are constantly chasing your man, or not sure when he might call or ask you out again, it could be time to look at it from a different vantage point and turn it inside out. Why spend your efforts trying to get someone’s affection that at best will be inconsistent and leave you wanting more, when you can instead choose someone who will be dependably loving and offer you a true sense of fulfillment?

The goal is to feel valued, cared about, and loved for who you are and what you do, the qualities you already possess rather than having to prove your worth to a guy who is not looking to ever really be fully involved with you. Overhaul how you are going about seeking happiness and security. If you are lucky enough to be with a good guy who does nice things, accept it and believe that you are worth it. Look to reciprocate and build on a relationship with someone who is able to give you the closeness and companionship you are looking for. Try to stop seeing that as boring, and instead see it as rewarding and positive. In many ways it is like developing a new muscle. Do your best to stop flinching and being turned off by nice behavior, and begin to welcome and appreciate it so that you can feel good about yourself, rather than not.

It’s important to be aware of these things, if in fact, there is a pattern in play and you are continually choosing partners who can’t be there for you, so you can make better choices in the future. Ultimately you want to strive to try to feel like a winner because of the things you can have, not for halfheartedly getting the things you can’t.

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Let’s Talk Dating & Relationships TV Series Casting

Let’s Talk Dating & Relationships TV Series

Let’s Talk is a brand new TV series being produced for Channel 4 in the UK by True North, a television production company based in Leeds in the north of England.

They are currently casting all sorts of couples, ex-couples, current couples and potential dating romances..

This is YOUR opportunity to have the best heart-to-heart you will ever have!

Email: letstalk @ truenorth.tv
Alternatively call: 0161 850 9682

Lets Talk Dating

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