Mending A Relationship Split
Sometimes it can be very helpful when two people take some time apart to evaluate how they feel about each other, and to sort out what is really important to both of them. In the face of baby number three on board, it looks like Megan and Brian have decided to join forces to work on their marriage and see if it can, in fact, work on take two. Similarly, Patrick Dempsey and his wife recently put the brakes on a divorce. You don’t have to be married to give love a second chance. Courtney Cox and her boyfriend are back together after calling off their engagement late last year.
There are many things that can drive a couple toward a breakup. Underscoring most separations are feelings of disappointment, anger, and the idea that there was something you couldn’t get beyond, some impassable issue, an irreconcilable difference for which there is no clear middle ground or answer. The anger itself can make it impossible to get along, either leading to too much fighting or a cold war distance between you, both of which can bring your sex life to a complete stop. For some people, the decision to end the relationship seems like the only path out of the hopelessness and unhappiness one or each partner is experiencing. Breaking up can appear to be a way out of the stress and on the road to a better place.
That said, love is a funny thing. Just because you aren’t getting along doesn’t necessarily mean you have stopped loving or feeling attracted to your partner. In addition to that, some space might infuse those feelings with new life while giving you a fresh perspective on what you can and can’t tolerate in your life. In other words, even though an end to your connection might seem freeing at first, it might ultimately prove to be complicated, difficult, and lonely.
Suddenly those weekend trips to see his mother don’t seem like that much of a sacrifice, or the fact that she chooses to go to the gym most nights instead of eating dinner with you might not leave you feeling so abandoned as long as she comes home after. Time apart allows you to evaluate what is important, and can give you the chance to decide if what once felt untenable and unacceptable might suddenly become manageable in the face of what you really have to lose. Taking a break can give you a chance to get a new outlook, while letting the anger subside. You can cool down and bring some objectivity back into your relationship.
If your relationship feels like it is at a standstill and is steeped in feelings of resentment and disappointment, instead of making the decision to end it for good, consider ending it for now. Give yourselves some time apart so you can see that you actually might want to stay together..
Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer
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