Category Archives: Mature Dating

New Beginnings – Having Children in Later Life

New Beginnings – Having Children in Later Life

Older Parenting

You’re never too old to have a child, just ask Steve Martin, Mick Jagger or Ronnie Wood, many celebrity dads are choosing to become fathers later in life. While there is no ideal age that is perfect for every couple, having children at an older age has many benefits and also a few possible drawbacks.

You certainly don’t have to be a celebrity or a dad to consider starting a family beyond your twenties and thirties. In fact, because of various reasons including being caught up in their professional lives, many people are realizing it doesn’t have to be one or the other, and despite focusing on their career for years realise they have not missed the chance to have children. With that in mind, along with the current fertility technology and the possibility of adoption, many are pursuing that goal in their forties and even fifties. If you are in a new relationship with an older or younger partner, or you’re older and finally ready to enjoy the joy of parenthood, or you have children with an ex-spouse but want to share that experience with a new one, there is still time.

Here are a few things to consider while you contemplate this big life change.

On the positive side, waiting to have a baby means there is more time available to pursue your career before settling down. It gives you the chance to focus on work and achieve the goals you set for yourself without feeling guilty that you don’t have time for a child. Additionally because you were able to fulfill your life dreams you may be more content and relaxed when you are faced with the additional responsibilities that come with parenthood. Furthermore, being older parents can also mean more financial and emotional stability for the kids, as well as a higher level of wisdom and teaching that comes from extra life experience, along with resilience and stamina which are essential qualities in a good parent. Of course, what better way to bring youth back to your home than to have a baby? Of course the family dynamics do change somewhat the longer you wait, but there’s something to be said for getting the most out of the first chapter of life before starting the next one.

On the flip side, though, there are a few other things to keep in mind. In truth, one’s physical energy level is not the same when you’re older as when you’re younger. Being able to deal with the high demands and energy level of children themselves is something to be aware of. Of course there is always the option to reach out for childcare support, no matter what age you are, when you become a mother or a father. Even more serious is the hope that one will live long enough to see their children reach different junctures in life, high school graduation, a wedding, the birth of a grandchild. The older you are, the more this might come into question. Mortality can be something that enters into the picture when the decision is made to have children at a later date.

In the end, you have to consider the pros and cons of bringing a new person into the world at any time in your life. Why not do it when you are more established and more grounded in the world.

It might be as good a time as any, especially if you missed the chance at an earlier stage..

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Dating – The Age Gap

Dating – The Age Gap

Holding Hands

Recently I’ve been noticing this thing cropping up around me with various people. People who are in the relationship of their dreams but are very very quiet about it, others who potentially could be, but are experiencing resistance to it, and some who aren’t even considering the possible dating options. The common theme? It all comes down to ‘The Age Gap’!

It seems there’s  a real sense of shame and taboo about it. How much of a gap is too much of a gap? Once we’re all adults does such a limit really exist? What will people say, how will people judge me? There are a lot of such questions flying around, but really the question I want people to be asking is, why do I care? Love has no age limits, so why are you allowing there to be any on yours?

At the end of the day we are all searching for love, to really love and to be loved. If we happen to find it in the arms of someone twice our age, and they in the arms of someone half theirs, then who is to say that’s wrong? Often it can be jealous ‘friends’ or angry confused parents, but you know what? Forget what others think about it, as long as you are happy together then the people around you should be happy for you too. If they’re not, then are their opinions really worth you caring about, so much so that you would let it stand in the way of your happiness?

As long as you’re old enough not to have the older party done for statutory rape, and granted your partner is not some known bad-ass drug dealer, or someone of the sort who may be likely to bring some kind of harm to your life. Then you need to ask why friends and family, who have no real basis for standing in the way of your happiness, seem to believe that the age gap is really that bad that they would rather see you single than happy with that older or younger person!

Sure, sometimes it can be hard, especially when it’s family trying to have their say on the matter, but they need to be reminded that after a certain age, age is just a number and people are people no matter what year they were born. We are all free to love who we please. Sometimes love will show up in unexpected ways with unexpected people.

Don’t let the age gap stand in the way of your happiness however large or small it may be. And if there’s anyone other than you standing in the way, then you need to side step those people and let them watch you walk unashamedly into the arms of your beloved! Down with societal age gap stigma!

Article by Gülie Ismail
Gülie Ismail

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