Tag Archives: Dr Jane Greer

The Single Life & Vacation Travel

Dating Travel Partners

If you are single you might often feel like there are fewer travel options available to you since so much is geared towards couples and families.

Sometimes it’s harder to travel alone. Also, in the same way it is nice to go to a movie with someone so you can share the experience, the same is true of a great vacation. Your network of friends and family are not always free to travel when you want to, and might have a very different trip planned anyway in terms of how much money they want to spend and where they want to go.

So what can you do? Often people search for potential travel mates or even local advice through Instagram and Facebook. However, recently, due to the advanced technology, many other online solutions have emerged which enable people to directly search for their travel buddies based on their preferences or even plan their trip.

For instance, one of the people I work with found herself in this situation and told me about a social travel platform that connects people who love to travel but would like a companion to share the trip with. According to my co-worker, these are definitely a resources to explore so you can put yourself out there. You will certainly make new friends and expand your horizons. It’s helpful to be clear though about what your objective is, and what you are looking for when you reach out to use it so that your expectations can be realized!

In the end it is about making traveling user friendly, enhancing your trip, and offering the opportunity for companionship, so you don’t have to travel alone. The trick is to be open to exploring and moving beyond your comfort zone. You never know what might be waiting for you out there.

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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How Far Will You Go To Find Love?

How Far Will You Go To Find Love?

Beach Couple

You certainly don’t have to be a celebrity to travel the world to find love. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, work will take you to another place where you might meet someone you feel a connection to, and then you find yourself trying to stay in touch with the hope of building a relationship.

Other times you might be forced to become more creative in your pursuit of finding a romantic partner. Whatever the case, while long distance is never easy, it is much more doable these days with all the social media that keeps us connected and has bridged that gap that might literally be between you. With Skype, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, email, and even a good old-fashioned phone call, people can interact and feel like they are together even when there is a great distance between them.

All this allows couples to not only feel close, but also to actually get to know each other and begin to date when they aren’t in the same town or, in some cases, the same country.

So if you are contemplating broadening your horizons, what is the best way to go about it, especially if your job is not going to take you someplace new? Here’s how to proceed. Use a dating website or app, which is a great tool in this process. Many people are still unsure at the thought of doing this, because they have tried it and it didn’t work out, or they perhaps had a negative experience the first time around, or they feel they should be meeting someone spontaneously instead of in this formalized way. One bad date doesn’t translate into all dating websites being useless! Proceeding that way would be like having a cut on your wrist, and amputating your arm. By excluding dating websites and apps from your options you could wind up missing out on a terrific way to meet a great person who could be your friend or even more.

So instead of generalizing all dating sites, consider them individually. In using these services you expand your search far and wide, give yourself the chance to experience the culture of another country, and create the opportunity to build travel into your lifestyle as well, all while achieving your main goal of finding love.

Don’t forget, absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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New Beginnings – Having Children in Later Life

New Beginnings – Having Children in Later Life

Older Parenting

You’re never too old to have a child, just ask Steve Martin, Mick Jagger or Ronnie Wood, many celebrity dads are choosing to become fathers later in life. While there is no ideal age that is perfect for every couple, having children at an older age has many benefits and also a few possible drawbacks.

You certainly don’t have to be a celebrity or a dad to consider starting a family beyond your twenties and thirties. In fact, because of various reasons including being caught up in their professional lives, many people are realizing it doesn’t have to be one or the other, and despite focusing on their career for years realise they have not missed the chance to have children. With that in mind, along with the current fertility technology and the possibility of adoption, many are pursuing that goal in their forties and even fifties. If you are in a new relationship with an older or younger partner, or you’re older and finally ready to enjoy the joy of parenthood, or you have children with an ex-spouse but want to share that experience with a new one, there is still time.

Here are a few things to consider while you contemplate this big life change.

On the positive side, waiting to have a baby means there is more time available to pursue your career before settling down. It gives you the chance to focus on work and achieve the goals you set for yourself without feeling guilty that you don’t have time for a child. Additionally because you were able to fulfill your life dreams you may be more content and relaxed when you are faced with the additional responsibilities that come with parenthood. Furthermore, being older parents can also mean more financial and emotional stability for the kids, as well as a higher level of wisdom and teaching that comes from extra life experience, along with resilience and stamina which are essential qualities in a good parent. Of course, what better way to bring youth back to your home than to have a baby? Of course the family dynamics do change somewhat the longer you wait, but there’s something to be said for getting the most out of the first chapter of life before starting the next one.

On the flip side, though, there are a few other things to keep in mind. In truth, one’s physical energy level is not the same when you’re older as when you’re younger. Being able to deal with the high demands and energy level of children themselves is something to be aware of. Of course there is always the option to reach out for childcare support, no matter what age you are, when you become a mother or a father. Even more serious is the hope that one will live long enough to see their children reach different junctures in life, high school graduation, a wedding, the birth of a grandchild. The older you are, the more this might come into question. Mortality can be something that enters into the picture when the decision is made to have children at a later date.

In the end, you have to consider the pros and cons of bringing a new person into the world at any time in your life. Why not do it when you are more established and more grounded in the world.

It might be as good a time as any, especially if you missed the chance at an earlier stage..

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Planning A Wedding – Different Experience Expectations

Planning A Wedding – Different Experience Expectations 

Wedding Planning

Something when two people decide to spend their lives together, one might have gone through it all before, the big wedding and honeymoon, and the other might be experiencing it for the first time.

Sometimes this can affect what each is hoping for as far as their big day goes. For the one who hasn’t experienced it before, this might be something they have been dreaming about since they were a little kid. They might have family members who have looked forward to it for years, and may even have strong ideas about how it should play out. For them, the whole idea of a traditional wedding dress and all the fanfare might sound great. The other person though, might feel they have been there and done that, they might no longer see the appeal of all the details and possible headaches that can go along with planning such a large, involved event. They might even think it would be nice to sneak away to City Hall or Las Vegas and elope. If you find yourself in this situation, how can you reconcile it?

The first thing to keep in mind is the end goal, which is to commit to each other for life! There are so many paths to take to get there, as long as you find one you will be achieving that all important objective. Having said that though, people still want what they want. Make sure you are able to talk about what you each desire and hope for, and really listen to why each person is requesting what they do. Try to compromise, maybe the person who doesn’t want a huge wedding or honeymoon will give in to the big day for the sake of his or her new spouse and family, but will then get to choose the honeymoon destination with the aspiration to keep it low key. Or maybe the reverse could work for you, the one who hopes for a grand occasion will be willing to tone it down but then might opt for an extravagant honeymoon.

Do your best to stay focused on what you want as a couple without giving up what is most important to you as an individual. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs, and try to find middle ground that will work for both of you, that way each of you can be invested in their wedding.

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Relationships & Children – Time Apart, Healing Betrayal

Relationships & Children – Time Apart, Healing Betrayal

Family Separation

Tiger Woods opened up about his relationship with ex-wife Elin Nordegren this week. The couple ended their marriage in 2010 after Tiger’s cheating scandal, but now they have managed to build an amicable friendship. With time Elin seems to have gotten past the betrayal of her ex-husband’s infidelity, which is a challenge for many couples, in order to do so. Tiger and Elin share two children, so this must be a welcome development for all of them…

While some couples are able to find higher ground and continue to make their relationship or marriage work after an affair, others realize that the intensity of the pain of the incident is just too much and that they are better apart.

Either way, initially there can be so much anger that it takes effort to not drag the children into it. This can be especially difficult if the spouses have parted and find themselves alone! The one who was betrayed feels that their whole world has turned upside down, and wants to get back at the person who did this to them and caused so much unhappiness. It is tempting to say terrible things about them to the people who are closest to you..your kids. The natural inclination is to want to get them on your side and have them take up arms against the person who caused this upheaval. The impulse to have the children understand what you are going through and why can be powerful.

How, then, can you avoid this urge, and instead let them know they still have two solid parents they can continue to depend on? How can you protect them from your own fury, and the negative energy that is coming from both sides, while navigating your way to a place of, if not forgiveness, at least of tolerance and understanding? How can you lead them to a solid foundation of security so that even if there is trouble between parents, they know they can count on the fact that both mum and dad will continue to be stable forces in their lives?

To begin with, understand that they are not the ones who should be supporting you through this. They need your support, so the goal is to try not to burden them with your rage. Of course, that is easier said than done. The first step is to find an outlet elsewhere because you will need to talk about it, and choosing people other than your kids to unload on is a great start. You can find solace and confide in anyone from a therapist or counselor to friends and other family members. Work to insulate your children so they don’t have to go through the raw emotion that you are going through. Steer clear of sharing the bad things your spouse did to you with the kids as much as you can. Finally, give yourself time which will hopefully lessen the sharpness of the betrayal, and eventually allow you to share at least a cordial relationship.

The hope is to find a way to provide a harmonious family environment despite the rift in your relationship. Where both parents can come back together and share an affable connection…

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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Ex-Files & Old Flames – Why Isn’t It Easy To Say Goodbye?


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Ex-Files & Old Flames – Why Isn’t It Easy To Say Goodbye?

Saying Goodbye

The most compelling reason people continue to hold on to an old relationship is the fact that they have a shared history. The person who might be an ex-partner has a sense not only of who you are, but who you were with them and during your time together. To then say goodbye to them can also feel like saying goodbye to who you were during your relationship!

Things that can keep you hopeful, even if you aren’t happy right now, is the possibility that something will change and the good times you once shared and the positive aspects of the relationship will resume.

Another thing that can keep the glue between you from completely giving way is if one of you wants to hold on more than the other. When this happens the one who isn’t ready to finally end it might persist with calls, emails and texts, which can increase the doubts the other might feel as well as any guilt feelings he or she might have about ending the relationship in the first place.

The partner who wants to continue to be together might also make assertions that they will change whatever behavior may have led to the unhappiness between you. They might even start to do it, which can make the other person stick around with the hope that the negative behaviors will disappear completely. As a result a couple can often seesaw because even small changes can increase optimism and give someone the stamina they need to be willing to try to give it another shot.

In the case of a betrayal, when the initial and intense anger diminishes, there can be a willingness to give the person a chance to rebuild your trust. Also, when there are children involved there is often a desire to keep the family together for their sake. That can be one of the strongest driving forces of all. Whatever the case, certainly if a lot of loving feelings remain it is hard to imagine life without them in it.

The question becomes, how do you know if you are wasting your time, holding on with the hope that the happiness will be rekindled or the bad behaviors will change when there is the chance that neither of those things is likely? How can you know how much time to give it before reaching the decision to finally call it quits? Are there any strategies to employ for ending a relationship?

If you are moving forward with the intent to give your relationship a try and see if things can work out, it’s good to be clear about what specific changes you are looking for and how long you are willing to wait to see if they actually take place. For example, if you are looking to see if you can trust your partner again, the only real way to do that is to give them enough time to show through their actions that what they say and do is worthy of your trust. However if months go by and you continue to be disappointed because the promised changes aren’t happening, or they have happened once but were never followed up on, that can be a good indicator that things aren’t really going to be different from what had been upsetting you all along, and if you want to be happier it is time to let go.

If married or in a long term relationship you or your partner could look for counseling, which can help you either get your relationship back on track or help you reach the difficult decision that it really is time to say goodbye to each other!

 

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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The Uncertain Path from Getting Engaged to Getting Married

The Uncertain Path from Getting Engaged to Getting Married

Wedding Engagements

Sometimes it isn’t such a clear path from getting engaged to getting married! For some people, undertaking such a big change and lifelong responsibility can cause people to question their choices and judgment, basically asking, did I make the right decision?

That concern and insecurity can trigger their fears and hamper their ability to moving forward. As one partner might be looking to be more involved and connected than ever, the other partner might actually be pulling away and become less available, spending more time elsewhere and possibly even dabbling in activities that can cause jealousy and trust issues. These actions can often be more of a statement of the trepidation that becoming engaged conjures up, rather than a reflection of their true feelings for their partner.

If this happens to you, whether you are on the side of needing more space or the side of wondering what is going on with your fiancé, the most important thing to do is have a conversation with each other to explore the feelings that were triggered by this huge, Uncertain event.

Leave room to talk about misgivings and insecurities, even if that is difficult, so that at least you have an opportunity to express your concerns with the hope that they don’t weigh you down and pull you apart permanently. It might also be helpful to seek counseling to address whatever might be getting in the way of your future happiness. Talking to someone about this can help you determine if you jumped into the engagement prematurely, and the best thing to do would be to postpone the wedding or even walk away, or if it is just a temporary setback that can be fixed.

This is a way to work through the tough time and have a better understanding of each other, know you are able to share your fears and conflicts, and perhaps move toward a happy ending.

 

Relationship Advice from Dr Jane Greer

Dr Jane Greer
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